Those Advice shared by A Father Which Rescued Us during my time as a First-Time Father

"I believe I was merely trying to survive for the first year."

One-time reality TV cast member Ryan Libbey expected to manage the difficulties of fatherhood.

However the reality soon proved to be "very different" to what he pictured.

Serious health problems during the birth caused his partner Louise hospitalised. Abruptly he was thrust into acting as her primary caregiver while also taking care of their newborn son Leo.

"I handled all the nights, each diaper… each outing. The duty of mother and father," Ryan explained.

After 11 months he became exhausted. It was a conversation with his father, on a bench in the park, that led him to understand he needed help.

The straightforward words "You are not in a good spot. You must get support. What can I do to assist you?" created an opening for Ryan to express himself truthfully, ask for help and find a way back.

His story is not uncommon, but rarely discussed. While society is now more accustomed to addressing the stress on mums and about PND, not enough is spoken about the challenges fathers face.

Asking for help is not weak to seek assistance

Ryan feels his difficulties are part of a larger failure to talk between men, who still absorb harmful perceptions of manhood.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the harbour wall that just takes the pounding and stays upright time and again."

"It is not a sign of failure to seek help. I failed to do that soon enough," he clarifies.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert focusing on mental health surrounding childbirth, notes men often don't want to accept they're struggling.

They can think they are "not justified to be requesting help" - especially ahead of a mum and baby - but she emphasises their mental state is just as important to the family.

Ryan's chat with his dad offered him the chance to take a break - spending a couple of days abroad, separate from the domestic setting, to see things clearly.

He understood he needed to make a adjustment to focus on his and his partner's emotional states in addition to the day-to-day duties of caring for a new baby.

When he opened up to Louise, he discovered he'd missed "what she longed for" -physical connection and paying attention to her words.

Self-parenting

That realisation has reshaped how Ryan perceives fatherhood.

He's now writing Leo regular notes about his feelings as a dad, which he aspires his son will see as he matures.

Ryan thinks these will enable his son to more fully comprehend the expression of emotion and understand his decisions as a father.

The concept of "self-parenting" is something artist Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

As a child Stephen did not have consistent male parenting. Despite having an "amazing" bond with his dad, profound difficult experiences resulted in his father had difficulty managing and was "present intermittently" of his life, complicating their bond.

Stephen says bottling up feelings resulted in him make "terrible decisions" when in his youth to alter how he was feeling, turning in drink and drugs as an escape from the hurt.

"You turn to substances that don't help," he notes. "They might short-term modify how you feel, but they will in the end cause more harm."

Strategies for Getting By as a New Dad

• Open up to someone - if you're feeling swamped, confide in a friend, your spouse or a therapist how you're feeling. Doing so may to ease the pressure and make you feel less isolated.
• Keep up your interests - continue with the activities that helped you to feel like the person you were before becoming a parent. It could be exercising, seeing friends or a favourite hobby.
• Look after the body - eating well, getting some exercise and where possible, sleep, all are important in how your mental state is doing.
• Spend time with other first-time fathers - listening to their journeys, the challenges, as well as the positive moments, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Understand that asking for help isn't failing - looking after yourself is the best way you can care for your loved ones.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen understandably found it hard to accept the death, having been out of touch with him for years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's resolved not to "repeat the pattern" with his child and instead provide the security and emotional support he did not receive.

When his son is about to have a outburst, for example, they try "shaking it out" together - managing the frustrations safely.

The two men Ryan and Stephen say they have become more balanced, healthier men due to the fact that they faced their issues, transformed how they communicate, and taught themselves to manage themselves for their sons.

"I'm better… processing things and dealing with things," says Stephen.

"I expressed that in a message to Leo last week," Ryan says. "I expressed, on occasion I feel like my purpose is to teach and advise you what to do, but the truth is, it's a dialogue. I am understanding an equal amount as you are on this path."